Episode 287

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Published on:

7th Feb 2024

Navigating Couples and Money: Tips for Building Financial Harmony

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Amy Irvine and Kate Welker discuss the integration of money within relationships, specifically focusing on couples. They provide tips and suggestions for having open and productive conversations about money, even when one partner may be hesitant. The hosts emphasize the importance of setting regular "money dates" to review finances, celebrate wins, and address any concerns. They also explore the psychology of money within relationships, highlighting how different individuals may view money through the lens of survival, safety and security, love and belonging, self-esteem, or self-actualization. By understanding each partner's money personality, couples can navigate potential conflicts and find common ground.

Key Takeaways:

  • Setting regular "money dates" can help couples stay on the same page about their finances, celebrate wins, and address any concerns.
  • When one partner is hesitant to discuss money, starting with small conversations in casual settings can gradually involve them in financial discussions.
  • Understanding each partner's money personality, such as viewing money through the lens of survival, safety and security, love and belonging, self-esteem, or self-actualization, can help couples navigate potential conflicts and find common ground.
  • Couples should communicate openly about their financial goals, values, and concerns to ensure both partners feel involved and understood.
  • Celebrating financial wins, no matter how small, can create a positive and joyful environment around money within a relationship.

Notable Quotes:

  • "Just coming together and looking at where are we, maybe digging your head out of the sand a little bit to look at things together, if that is causing a roadblock or celebrate wins, too, while you're doing it." - Kate Welker
  • "Where can you start that there is that common ground? And then how do you build around that?" - Amy Irvine
  • "Understanding your style becomes so important in your communication." - Kate Welker
  • "By understanding yourself and your partner, you can navigate potential conflicts and find common ground." - Amy Irvine
  • "Having that check-in and looking at it and the understanding and the confidence and where the numbers are coming from." - Kate Welker

Resources:

Setting Money Dates: Celebrating Wins and Addressing Challenges

One effective strategy for couples to stay on the same page financially is to set regular money dates. These dates provide an opportunity to review the state of their finances, celebrate achievements, and address any challenges they may be facing. Amy Irvine and Kate Welker emphasize the importance of creating a positive and joyful atmosphere during these conversations.

For Amy and her husband, they have an annual financial summit every January. They review their spending plan, track their expenses, and discuss areas where they may need to make adjustments. By approaching this process as a team, they are able to identify areas of overspending, such as wine purchases, and make necessary changes. Kate, on the other hand, has more casual conversations with her husband, discussing the status of their finances and upcoming expenses during car rides or while relaxing at home.

The key takeaway from these approaches is that couples should find a system that works for them. Whether it's a formal financial summit or more informal check-ins, the goal is to ensure both partners are aware of their financial situation and can make decisions together. By celebrating wins and addressing challenges as a team, couples can strengthen their financial bond and reduce stress around money.

Engaging Reluctant Partners in Financial Conversations

In some relationships, one partner may be hesitant to discuss money or take an active role in financial matters. This can create a burden on the partner who handles the finances and may lead to feelings of anxiety and stress. In such cases, it is important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding.

Amy and Kate suggest starting with small steps to involve the reluctant partner in financial discussions. This can be as simple as sharing brief updates on the state of the finances during casual moments, such as car rides or while watching TV. By gradually increasing their involvement, the reluctant partner may feel more comfortable and willing to take on additional responsibilities.

It is also crucial to have open and honest communication about the impact of financial anxiety on the relationship. If one partner is feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of managing the finances alone, they should express their concerns and ask for support. By sharing the emotional burden, couples can work together to find a balance that works for both of them.

Understanding Money Personalities: Finding Common Ground

Each individual has their own unique money personality, shaped by their upbringing, experiences, and values. Understanding these money personalities can help couples navigate conflicts and find common ground. Amy and Kate highlight the importance of recognizing the different perspectives that arise from varying money personalities.

One common money personality is the safety and security mindset. Individuals with this mindset prioritize financial stability and may feel anxious when bank accounts drop too low or debt increases. They view money as a means of survival and may struggle to see gifts or spending as expressions of love. On the other hand, individuals with a love and belonging mindset see money as a way to express their affection and may prioritize spending on others, even at the expense of their own financial security.

Conflicts can arise when partners with different money personalities clash. For example, a safety and security-minded individual may feel threatened by their partner's spending, while the love and belonging-minded partner may feel misunderstood. By recognizing and discussing these differences, couples can find ways to compromise and meet each other's needs.

Another important money personality is self-esteem. Individuals with a self-esteem mindset may view certain purchases as necessary for building confidence and self-worth. They may feel judged by others and believe that spending money on themselves is essential for their well-being. Understanding this mindset can help partners support each other's emotional needs while maintaining financial responsibility.

By acknowledging and respecting each other's money personalities, couples can work towards finding a balance that aligns with their shared values and goals. This understanding can foster empathy and reduce conflicts related to money.

Conclusion

Navigating the complexities of financial relationships requires open communication, empathy, and an understanding of each other's money personalities. Setting regular money dates can help couples stay on the same page and celebrate financial wins together. When one partner is reluctant to discuss money, starting with small conversations and gradually increasing involvement can help them feel more comfortable. Understanding and respecting each other's money personalities can also help couples find common ground and reduce conflicts.

By approaching money as a team and supporting each other's emotional needs, couples can build a strong foundation for their financial future. Remember, it's not just about the numbers; it's about the journey and the joy that comes from working together towards shared goals.

Don't miss out on valuable insights and empowering financial advice! Subscribe to "Money Roots" today to embark on a journey of financial growth and empowerment. Join host Amy Irvine as she simplifies personal finance, making it accessible to everyone, from beginners to seasoned experts. By subscribing, you'll stay up-to-date with each episode, gaining access to practical tips, inspiring stories, and expert insights that will help you take control of your financial future. Whether you're looking to budget smarter, invest wisely, or secure your retirement, "Money Roots" has something for everyone. Subscribe now and start nurturing your financial well-being!

If you have any questions that you would like answered on the show, feel free to email us at info@rootedpg.com

Or visit us at www.rootedpg.com/podcasts for full show notes and links!

This episode is brought to you by Rooted Planning Group. Rooted Planning Group is a fee-only financial planning firm that specializes in working with women in their 30s and 40s who want to take control of their finances and plan for the future. Whether you're just starting out or you're looking to make a big change, Rooted Planning Group can help.

Visit www.rootedpg.com to learn more.

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About the Podcast

Money Roots
Money Roots with Amy Irvine
Welcome to "Money Roots," the podcast where personal finance becomes personal. Join host Amy Irvine, CEO of Rooted Planning Group, as she demystifies the world of finance and makes it approachable for everyone, from beginners to financial experts.

In each episode, Amy and her guests dig deep into the financial soil, planting the seeds of financial knowledge and helping you nurture your financial future. Whether you're looking to build a solid budget, invest wisely, or plan for retirement, "Money Roots" has you covered.

Get ready to explore practical advice, inspiring stories, and expert insights that will empower you to take control of your financial destiny. It's time to grow your money roots and thrive financially!

Subscribe to "Money Roots" now and join Amy on this exciting journey to financial empowerment. Let's put down some roots and flourish together.

About your host

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Amy Irvine

Uncorking Amy Irvine!!

If any of you have ever met Amy, you know she is passionate about
three things. Family, Finances, and WINE! This comes through in all
that she does and all that she is. When asked to describe herself she first and foremost states, “I am a wife, a daughter, and hopefully a good friend, who happens to also be a financial planner.” Amy holds a Master’s Degree in financial planning and is a Certified Financial Planner TM , Enrolled Agent, Certified College Financial Consultant, and a Financial Wellness Coach with over 25 years of financial planning and industry experience. She is the Founder and owner of Rooted Planning Group, (Formerly known as Irvine Wealth Planning Strategies LLC), which started in 2016 and has grown to include 6 other planners and 2 part-time staff members. Amy is definitely “doing it her way” and has been recognized by her financial planning colleagues as being a “disrupter,” a title she holds close to her heart and is proud of.

Uniquely, at the age of 44, she decided to not only start her only company, but to act on what she defined as her perfect life and she splits her time between Parrish, Florida and Jasper, New York.
On her website it states, “I love what I do, but I also very much enjoy warmth, good
conversation, wine tastings, and volunteering. New York is extraordinary in the summer and fall, but so is Florida in the winter.”
In 2018, she decided it was time to take the stigma out of finances by combining her passion for finances and wine. She started a podcast called “Wine and Dime,” which highlights a different wine and financial topic each week, and she released her book combining those same two passions, titled, “Uncork Your Finances.”
Many of you may know her as one of the co-founders of the Southern Tier Women’s Financial Conference – a day of collaboration and financial education, which will be hosting it’s sixth year!
To round out her volunteering passion, she often provides financial education to the
community through the financial management program of Cornell Cooperative Extension of Steuben County, she serves on the board of Faith-in-Action of Steuben County, volunteers for various Fund For Women of the Southern Tier events, works with the finance committee of the Arts Council of the Southern Finger Lakes, and serves on the board for the Corning Painted Post Historical Society (also known as Heritage Village).
In her downtime, you’re likely to find her with a glass of red wine from one of the many Keuka or Seneca Lake wineries that she highlights in her Wine and Dime Podcast.